Emily inspired me because I have not posted in a while either. The below is an email I sent last night to my friend Deb who lived with me in my ghetto apartment @ 333 Saunders Ave., in Philly. There were many notable experiences during my tenure there and one of the stand-out perponderances was the appearance of eaten chicken bones in the park across the street from us, seemingly every day. We always wondered how they got there as we couldn't believe many people would be walking along eating chicken wings. It seemed like this would be an activity that required sitting down. Our best theory was that birds would get them out of trash cans and then drop them as they were flying. Flimsy hypotheses I know. Well, the mystery was solved....read on...
MYSTERY SOLVED!
Just had to let you know that at approximately 10:12 pm this evening I spotted a young male walking towards me. Not an atypical occurrence as yet, but read on.... He was about a block away at the time of initial spotting. He was walking towards me and I towards him. As I got closer I noticed he was walking rather slow and was looking at something in his arm that appeared to be an open laptop. My thoughts at the timewere, "Seriously, you had check your email right this second? You need
a Blackberry. Is there Wifi out here?"
But, as we got closer yet, I realized he was eating something. Yes. That was it! In typical Philly fashion and in the spirit of remaining the "Fattest City in the US," he was walking and eating something out of a Styrofoam container (it was open; hence the laptop effect). I did not get a good look as he passed by of what exactly he was eating. But, a few steps, a leap, and a snorfle later, Chloe had sucked up something from the sidewalk. "Drop IT!" I say!! "Drop Iiiiit!!!!"
"Yeah right," thinks Chloe.
So, I stick my hand in her mouth to take out the offending object. And what is it, you ask??? A still warm, still saucy chicken bone remnant. Newly chewed and dropped on the sidewalk for all to enjoy. Tasty! I've washed my hands three times now and swear I can still smell the sauce. MmmMm.
I turned around to see if the offender noticed his offense and the trouble he had caused, only to witness him dropping another bone about 30 feet away. That's when I morphed into Super Jeanine and zapped with my laser beam eye vision. Did I tell you I got that? Yeah, they were selling super powers at Costco for $59.99. They might still have some, but when I got there the laser beams were the only good thing left.
Invisibility and flying were already sold out. You might try on-line though. But, I digress...
So, there you have it my friend. It actually does happen. People wander around Philly in the night time hours eating chicken wings and tossing the bones in a haphazard manner. With a sort of "devil may care" attitude if you will. At least I am no longer powerless to stop them. "Zzzzzzzzt" (sound of my laser beam eyes)
Mystery 19,765 of 333 Saunders Ave./park and its environs - Solved. Case Closed.
Oh and P.S, - and I am not making this up. Just as I was about to hit "send" on this email. Chloe puked up the rest of the chicken bone on the carpet. It just keeps giving and giving. Hand washing #4.
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11 comments:
Jeanine this was a hilarious email. Makes me think you should get your own blog up and running again. I need some more things to make me laugh at work these days...
Jeanine you do lead a strange life at times but always look at the bright side of people and things-
i did enjoy your story
love aumt m
For the record, people must do this in Baltimore also. I don't know how many times I have pulled a chicken bone out of the jaws of Bubba Gump.
No offense to all the dog-lovers out there, but this chain of comments has only reinforced my commitment not to get a dog. I can't imagine having to pull a human-chewed chicken bone out of a dog's mouth!!
You guys need to move to the burbs. All Patches ever gets is pizza from Papa John's on Friday nights, never have I seen a chicken bone along the sidewalk.
Patches will be 15 this year. Yesterday he had his checkup and the doctor thought he was half his age. He has a great ticker. That just proves that a high fat diet, no exercise and sleeping 17 hours a day CAN be healthy.
Anna you know what is more awful than pulling a chicken bone out of a dogs mouth? Removing a live-but-dying rat from its grips. Ask Sarah how that goes.
Here's to the burbs.
For the record again, I did not have to touch the rat. After enough hysterics and pleading with my amazingly, wonderful companion named Bubba- he dropped the rat on his own will.
Childhood Memory -- I was in 6th grade and tried to remove a live mouse from my cat's mouth -- Uncle John would die for this feat.
Anyway it clung on to my finger and I could not shake it off. My mother had to get it off of me. Then I had to go to the doctor and get a tetanus shot. So never do that again, Sarah, if you did.
The rats and chicken bones are all made worthwhile when I wake up in the morning and Bubba is there sharing my pillow with me. There is also nothing like the welcome I get from him after a long, day at the office. Dogs are defintiely worth every bit of trouble. In fact...i might just get a friend for Bubba one of these days.
Jeanine that was a good one, i wish I could have half your writting skils.
Also one solution to these dog problems - GET A CAT!!! They are clean and dont eat random things off the gound so there is never pulling any objects or animals out of their mouths.
Finally, I am slightly tramatized becuase Pinky (the neihbor's dog that used to always come over to our old house) once decided to reach into my pet hamster's play pin and hold him in his mouth! My dad of course thought this was funny, I was screaming. However the hamster made it out unharmed. (RIP hamster #3)
I think this particular blog spot,(if that is the correct terminology) has received the most comments ever -- Jeanine you get the prize!
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