Monday, December 24, 2007

VICKI GOT A GUN FOR CHRISTMAS, UH OH!!!



Howdy Christmas People!!!

So here is a photo from our last minute Christmas Card Photo Shoot this year. I have several actual cards that I brought home with me to mail out, unfortunately P Diddy (my mom) will not let me mail them out or post them online for the following reasons...

1. They have an extremely "distasteful nature".

2. They represent "John Waters at it's best"

3. And finally, she claims that I am "exploiting Vicki".

Anyway, maybe one day my XXXmas card will be available for public viewing. Until then enjoy the photo of Vicki shooting me with her candy cane gun. I apologize for my ugly chest hair which Dustin has pointed out is extremely disturbing and should be shaved.

Oh yeah, two more quick things.

1. Uncle John, the hubcap christmas trees are about the coolest things ever. Seriously, you could sell those to so many eccentric rich folks in LA who would pay serious cash for works of art like that. Nice work man, seriously, if I ever have an actual yard I am going to commision a hubcap tree. And I'm not joking or being sarcastic, I seriously think they are really aweome.


2. Calvin, I dig your white christmas song man. I'm doing my best to belive I'll see some snow tomorrow. Also, thanks so much for the book. I dig it man, super cool.

Anyway, Merry Christmas. Matt I'm sorry your not home man. We definitely miss you bro!

Peace and Respect!
Tanner

Merry Christmas to all

The party at Tim & Paula's was special as always,

But there were a couple that were not there, and one to leave shortly, that make it
possible for all of us to enjoy the life style we have.

The below is something sent to me that I always enjoy reading this time of year.
They do it, by choice, for us!!

Thanks Tee, & Matt.

Merry Christmas to all!!,

Uncle John




It was the night before Christmas
He lived all alone
In a one bedroom house
Made of plaster and stone

I had come down the chimney
With presents to give
And to see just who
In the home did live

I looked all about
A strange site I did see
No tinsel, no presents
Not even a tree

With medals and badges
Awards of all kinds
A sober thought
Came to my mind

For this house has different
So dark and so dreary
The home of a soldier
Now I can see clearly

The soldier lay sleeping
Silent, Alone
Curled up on the floor
In this one bedroom home

The face was so gentle
The room in such disorder
Not how I pictured
A United States Soldier

Was this the hero
Of whom I’d just read?
Curled up on a poncho
The floor for a bed?

I realized the families
That I saw this night
Owed their lives to these soldiers
Who were willing to fight!

Soon around the world
The children would play
And grownups would celebrate
A bright Christmas day

They all enjoyed freedom
Each month of the year
Because of the soldiers
Like the one laying here.

I couldn’t help wonder
How many lay alone
On a cold Christmas eve
In a land far from home

The thought brought
A tear to my eye
I dropped to my knees
And started to cry

The soldier awakened
And I heard a rough voice
“Santa don’t cry
This life is my choice
I fight for freedom
I don’t ask for more
My life is my God,
My Country, my Corps”

The soldier rolled over
And soon drifted to sleep
I couldn’t control it
I continued to sleep




I kept watch for hours
So silent and still
And we both shivered
From the cold evening’s chill

I didn’t want to leave
On that cold dark night
This guardian of honor
So willing to fight

Then the soldier rolled over
With a voice soft and pure
Whispered “Carry on Santa
It’s Christmas day, all is secure”

One look at my watch
And I knew he was right
“Merry Christmas my friend
and to all a good night”

Saturday, December 22, 2007

the store

Hey All,

I just wanted to remind the family that if they order a deli platter for the holiday please give a special thank you to the grocery store. I made 25 deli platters while at my 11 hour shift today at work. That is about 2.3 platters an hour, which may not seem a lot, but it is! Slicing the deli meat/cheese, cutting fruit/veggies arranging it all, taking note of special requests etc! Not to mention the billions times a day a customer stops you to ask where the crackers are or why dont we have imported sheep's milk feta cheese!!!!! Nevertheless, work is still a lot of fun and I am working with great people, plus I am always active.
SOOOO after my 11 hour shift I get home start some left over spaghetti (my diet consists solely of pasta cover with a various dressing, sauces and cheese). I then stared at the pile of dishes in the sink, pile of clothes in my room, and pile of unwrapped gifts. It looked like an enormous task after such a hectic day. SOOOO I decided to call the CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!!! It was really good to talk to all of you, and I hope you had a great time. I am sure it got you pumped for Santa on Tuesday!!!

Thanks for thinking about who Scott can crash with, Amanda I still might tell him about your friend. I think they are staying with someone that is not in the location he wants, I will talk to him. Aunt Pam, I am sure Scott and his friends would love adding starring in a real Hollywood movie to their road tripping stories!
Miss you guys!!!!

Emily

Friday, December 21, 2007

Merry Christmas

yes i said Christmas not holidays but i'm sure most of you know where i stand on that topic. I really wish i had exciting stories to share with everyone but i don't...which i'm sure my mom thinks is a good thing. Tanner i thought ou video was awesome but it has a catchy tone so i get it stuck in my head all the time. So i just found out my leave got switched from may to Feb (yes mom i know you are hearing this for the first time) but not sure what i'm going to be doing yet. anyone up for a trip to Australia? thank you for all the food and gifts that everyone has sent. everyone is wondering when i will run out of a supply of homemade cookies and popcorn. Em i can talk to katie about San Diego and i'll look into New Orleans but i think my buddy moved away from there. ok well hope everyone has a great Christmas and please don't use global warming as an excuse not to hang Christmas lights.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Feeling Like Snow?

I’ve been dreaming of White Christmas for years now. I can’t recall the last time I woke on Christmas Day and a blanket of snow covered every surface making the most exciting day of the year feel very still and peaceful. So in the hopes that we shall receive a “White Christmas” I’ve conjured one more Christmas song. Though I’ve heard “Christmas Sunrise” is the hands down favorite, this one might rival for listeners affection. I’m creating my own Christmas Legend that if enough people hear the song it should snow Christmas Eve. I know what you’re saying. “Where can we hear the new Christmas Song?” I made a video and placed it on YouTube. I don’t have Tanner’s skills of film making or editing. It’s just me playing guitar and trying to enlist enough folks to believe in a white Christmas so we can have one. Here’s the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV4kac7wRuM, Enjoy.

P.S. I will put this extra song on a CD just for you Amanda+Kenny since you didn’t get a CD at Thanksgiving.

Scott's After Graduation Road Trip

Hey Family!!!

I am asking us to use our huge family powers. Scott and his buddies are planning a four week road trip after graduation. They would like to do this on a budget so they are going to bunk up with whoever will have them. You know Scott is a gentleman and I approve the buddies he is going with. Does anyone know people in the following places that would be interested in hosting them for a night sometime between June 10th and July 10?

Cleveland, Detroit, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, San Diego, New Orleans, Houston, St. Louis & Cincinnati

I know it sounds like a lot of places, but they already have places to stay in Minnesota, Denver, Seattle, Portland (the other one), San Francisco & Arizona.

Just let me know if you have any old college, work friends etc that would be willing to do this.

Hope everyone is doing well and that you are ready for Christmas!!!!
Keep your fingers crossed that my flight home Christmas eve will not be delayed. We have a lot of snow here but it is not that bad.

Miss Everyone!!!

Emily

i did hear from matt

I did get my first email from Matt in a couple of weeks.He said nothing new there and his internet has been down and he has been real busy. And that pretty much sums it up. He did say so far he has held off on opening Christmas presents but it is getting harder. My quess is he has not seen the blog (Where I elfed him and Bridget)or i would have heard about that. I will keep you posted on any more news.
Love mom,aunt mary

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Revitalized Christmas Cartoons are Hogwash


Has anyone else noticed the obvious lack of "traditional" Christmas cartoons/shows on the airwaves this year? I mean what is the problem? Is today's generation too good for out-of-focus, slightly mishapen claymation figures? Not so conveniently, I decided going into the holiday season, I was going to make it my mission to watch all the Christmas shows from our childhood: Rudolph, A Year without Santa, Frosty (yes, not claymation but still a classic IMO). Even Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and a Blustry Day, and the Grinch Stole Christmas. With seven days to go, I have crossed zero of these off my list. Perhaps a few have aired, that I have missed, but if I am not mistaken, they have reallocated that air time to Jim Carey's Grinch (you know how I feel about him), and other ridiculous made-for-tv movies starring the likes of Tim Allen and Jenny McCarthy. Seriously people, why is everything changing?

It seems everytime I post, I am complaining about something. Hmmmm. I think I just like to inspire conversation. So you guys let me know if you have noticed this tragic situation. And, please, if you know when any of my childhood favorites will be on tv, please let me know. And its gotta be before Christmas eve.

Calvin and Jeanine's Trip to NYC circa April 2007: Old blog

Per my post below. Since no one is posting and since my life is unexciting at the moment. I have produced an old posting from my 1st blog. This is a short story of what happened as Calvin and I drove to NYC for a job interview back in April. Enjoy.

Time Line

Friday, April 13th = Friday the 13th

12:30 AM: Finally get into bed after working late until 9:45 on Thursday and distracting myself from worrying about my interview by watching TiVo'd episodes of "The Office."

1:30 AM: Fall asleep

3:30 AM: Alarm goes off. Wake up. Want to kill myself.

5:30 AM: Leave for NYC (a half hour late)

5:30 AM - 6:30 AM: Calvin speed demons his way through PA. I brought a bunch of stuff to study for my interview in the car, but it's too dark to read anything...shit...so I look out of the side window in an attempt to not notice how fast we are going.

6:30AM - 7:00AM: Calvin slows down somewhat because he has a speeding ticket he hasn't paid yet in New Jersey and I told him if he got arrested on the way to my interview for unpaid tickets I was never going to speak to him again.

7:00AM - 7:15AM: Fall asleep for the briefest of moments and wake up to the realization that Calvin missed our exit to the Holland Tunnel. The exit sign said "Blah, Blah and the Holland Tunnel, exits 22A,B and C" So, in Calvin's defense he thought he had until 22C to get off the turnpike, but in reality the sign was to get off for all three exits at once. Had I been awake, I'm confident I would have realized this.

7:30AM - Try to take the Lincoln Tunnel, but Calvin gets frustrated because of traffic and decides to turn around to go try the Holland Tunnel again. I sit there and don't say anything because I don't want to get into a fight before my interview. "Ahhhh Serenity Now!!!"

7:30AM - 8:00AM - Listen to "Freestyle Fridays" on a progressive talk radio station. They were talking about the Imus issue, people were calling in and such. At some point Calvin says in retaliation to a caller "If stupid people are too stupid to realize how stupid they are then they must be stupid." I laugh and he is my friend again. It also turns out he was right to turn around and go back to the Holland Tunnel because it took us right where we needed to go.

8:15ish AM - Arrive in Downtown NYC. I know the address to the company to be 165 Broadway. We find Broadway and something within the street number range and I convince Calvin that it's better to park and walk to find it then to drive around until we see the building. This is right by the World Trade Center site so roads are all blocked off and it's confusing.

8:20ish AM - We set off to find the building. Instantly my comfy new shoes start to hurt and it's colder than I thought it was going to be. I quickly realize the street numbers are going in the opposite direction than where we need to be headed, so we turn around. The conversation goes something like this...

Me: Walking...."This isn't the right way, we are going into Tribecca, we need to be going towards the World Trade Center."

Calvin: Walking...."I told you we should've found the building before we parked." "This is West Broadway, lets walk over a couple of streets and see if we find just plain Broadway"

Me: Turn around and walking..."There can't be two Broadways, the street numbers must start over again on the other side of the World Trade Center." "Then it probably changes into East Broadway or something." This, I feel is totally logical.

Calvin: Walking some more..."That seems like quite a ways (we were in the 90's)."

Me: Walking...."No it's not we're at 90 now, they will go down to 0 in a block or two."

Calvin: Walking more..."Um nooo. They have to go from 90 to 80 to 70 etc."

Me: Stop walking. Out comes the map!

Me: "Oh, there is another Broadway a couple of blocks over."

Calvin: Just looks at me and smiles. I'm not is friend anymore.

Me: I'm so tired of being wrong. I also realized I left my black pen in the car and all I have is a red pen with psychedelic designs on it that I got in my stocking at Christmas.

8:45 AM: Jeanine and Calvin make a pit stop at Duane Reade for a normal pen.

8:50 AM: Find the Zurich Building. It's right next to the World Trade Center site (scary), but also right next to Century 21 (SWEET!) (for those of you who don't know it is a huge store full of discounted designer stuff Wooohaa!!).

9:00 AM: I down a coffee and a glazed doughnut. I don't even like glazed doughnuts, but after going on about 3 hours sleep and the adventure into the city, I feel like I'm going to fall over. The sugar works and I pray it will get me through the whole interview. I also blame my grogginess for the reason I was not up to parr with the whole directions thing.

9:30 AM: Interview. I think it went well on my part. But the 2nd person to interview me, who will be one of my managers should I get the job, was kind of weird. She was a bit on the rough side and ended up complaining about how the Swedes were taking over Zurich.

Jeanine (in my head): Ummmm...It is a Swiss company...Zurich is in Switzerland...wouldn't it be the Swiss taking over the company?...Why is she telling me this???? Wow, this kinda sucks.

11:30 AM: Interview over and back to Calvin and Starbucks

Calvin: "How did it go?"

Jeanine: "Good I guess, but I don't know about working here anymore."

Calvin: "OK, what's wrong?"

Jeanine: What a nice guy. He takes off work and takes me into NYC, waits while I'm in the interview and I probably won't take the job anyway now. And I'm wrong with all the directions. And he still doesn't want to kill me.

Lucky me.

Where is everybody???

I keep waiting for other people to post because I don't feel like I have anything exciting to say at the moment. But, no one is posting so now I feel compelled to make a post even though it is about nothing. So here is my post...about nothing.

Perhaps it is time to go back to my old blog archives and resurrect something interesting.

Friday, December 14, 2007

merry christmas from me

matt and bridget do not know i did this but enjoy
click on the link
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1396123745

merry christmas

Hello family,
I have no news on Matthew. I have not heard anything from him in a while.(10 days)
We did recieve a Christmas card from his unit and I think we can see the side of Matts head(maybe). I know he did get Tanner's viedo and he thought it was great.
He wonders how he thinks of all the things he does. (I do give the credit to Pama and not T). The packages and cards continue from all of you and John and I thank you for that. I think we feed his whole troop. I am looking forward to next weekend and I understand that Paula and Tim are the proud owners of a one of a kind Christmas Tree! Thanks again for all you do to make sure Matt knows he is missed.
God Keep,
love
mom,aunt m

Sunday, December 9, 2007

The Remix

Maybe an idea for Tanner's next music video...

People miss Matt Funk so much at the dentist, they forget to get their teeth flossed

(pause so uproarious laughter can subside)

People miss Matt Funk so much at airports, they forget the 3-1-1 liquids and gels rule

(pause so everyone can Google "3-1-1 liquid rule")

and then my favorite...

Amanda misses Matt Funk so much on car trips, she forgets how to hold her bladder for more than 90 minutes

(pause, so Amanda can emerge from yet another rest station bathroom and get back in the car)

-Kenny

Watch this!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1179288681

go there!
I think it will make a laugh for everyone.



-The Pat Almons

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Poor Paula

Bad news for Paula,

I disobeyed the orders & made a present for Paula. It is very cool and ever one, ( except for Big Mamma Mary), likes it.

The bad news is that Paula can't have it now. Now I am stuck and will have to get her something like a gift card for Bass Proshop, or Auto Parts world.

Unless all the lawyers and the rest petition for the release of the fine, one of a kind, special,
seasonal present.

Paula can return it if she likes, ( providing she has access to a truck).

I cant give out details but I am sure she will show it off more then the mobile people did!!!

So please call or write Mary and have her release it.

Monday, December 3, 2007

i am in maine

Hello family,
I am currently in portland with Emily and they are callling for a foot of snow!
we travled by train to Boston yesterday and did a lot of window shopping in saome fancy stores. We also took a duck tour.Emily thought this would be very very corny
but she had to admit that it was a lot of fun.
See amny fo you shortly.
Love mom

Saturday, December 1, 2007